My first foray into the fantastically unfantastical world of nonfiction.

(This is incomplete at the moment, so I will be revisiting and constantly updating it, so it will most likely eventually drastically changing its course at some point.)

On Language
For the purpose of this thing here, I will capitalize the word “Language” when I’m typing about Language as a whole and whatever-the-opposite-of-capitalize-is (since I’m pretty sure that “lowercase” cannot be verbalized. And yes, I’m aware everything about the preceding nine-or-so words go against what will come later in this passage, but I’m a hypocrite just like everybody else, so deal with it. Also, you may notice that I like to go off on minor tangents and wear out the dash and parentheses buttons on my keyboard, but try to keep up with my meandering mind, please.) the word “language” when talking about specific languages (English, Spanish, Sanskrit, etc.). To start off, I would like to laud the supreme importance of Language. The two greatest inventions in human history are Language and fire. Fire is up there because it was probably the first invention by humans. But Language takes the cake by default. Think about it, fire did not exist until the first form of the word “fire” was created. It physically existed pre-christening, but it wasn’t “fire.” No things existed until the first form of the word “thing” happened. You get my point. However, I do find it (hilariously) unrighteous (in the “they don’t have the right” sense, not the Bill S. Preston Esq. sense) of the human race to name things rather than classify them. Specifically natural, non-manmade things like organic life and everything in the universe. Who is man to decide that the space-rock we are hurtling through space upon is named “Earth”? We can call it Earth, but how dare we have the gall to name it Earth. That is an atrocious notion to me. For instance, the fact that people can actually get stars named after themselves is enthusiastically infuriating to me. Seriously, consider that fact for a few seconds. Stars that undoubtedly have extra-terrestrial life forms revolving around them (its basic logic and probability. Life happened once that we know of, space is infinite, therefore there is other life. It can happen, therefore, in an infinite plane, it must happen an infinite number of times.) have arbitrary names that we dreamed up. That is a prime example of the pompous atrocity that is humane self-importance. But I digress (I warned you about the tangents.) Anyways, back to what I may have been saying (I don’t feel like looking up slightly.) I have always been fascinated with Language, and although I acknowledge and applaud (see what I did there? Me either.) its importance, I also believe it to be utterly subjective, especially in its written form. Write what you feel sounds/looks the way you want, don’t change your style to fit arbitrary grammatical guidelines. They are called “guidelines” for a reason, grammar isn’t the strict code that public school would have you believe, it is simply a preset meant to help make your writing easier to understand. I used to be a grammar-Nazi, but not anymore. Spelling errors used to bother me, but no longer. Language is subjective to the point that there is no such thing as a “misspelling,” just a new way to spell.